The Important Things

This is the second installment of things that I have learned from being asked to resign at a church.  To read the background of this post, click here.  To read the first lesson I learned, click here.  

Before I share my thoughts in this area, I just want to point out that this is my perspective.  I am mostly wrestling with the things that I can change about myself, but along the way, I am periodically making a plea to my elders (if they read this), as well as elders in general to consider ahead of time or rethink how they respond to concerns about their minister.  I realize that there are always two sides to a story.  I'm simply sharing my perspective.  If you don't see it the way I see it, I welcome some interaction.   

As I think about mistakes I made, one of the biggest was that I didn't identify those things that my fellow leaders, especially my elders, believed were most important.  We all have doctrines (teachings) that we hold to be important.  The question is, "How important are they?"    In the following, I borrow a structure I found after the loss of my job. (1)  I wish I had found this structure earlier.  Perhaps it will help you.   

In order to help us understand how important doctrines are to different people, I want us to imagine that doctrines or teachings fall into three different categories.  First order doctrines are those things that in our minds have to be true for Christianity to be true.  To deny someone's first order doctrine is to deny the very fabric of Christianity for them.  For example:  God created all things is probably a first order doctrine that most Christians could agree on.  

Second order doctrines are those things which may result in there being different camps or different tribes in Christianity.  Doctrines on the meaning and the mode of baptism, a certain doctrinal system (Calvinism or Arminianism), church organizational structure (should the church be led by lay elders or hired pastors?), liturgical forms (worship structures), whether women can have vocal roles or not, etc.  While most Christians believe in the first order doctrines, they often disagree so heatedly over some of these second order doctrines that they cannot remain in fellowship, even though they are unified in the most important things. 

And finally, there are third order doctrines.  These are things that two people could disagree over yet still share a pew on Sunday.  These are simply the varied beliefs that are found in every church. (2) 

Not surprisingly, it is not always clear where what you believe sits in somebody else's doctrinal order.  Sometimes something that you believe might cause someone else to question your salvation even though you both believe many of the same first-order doctrines.  For example I have some Christian friends who believe in evolution.  Other Christians see belief in evolution as a denial of the existence of God.

Other times, doctrines where you are comfortable "agreeing to disagree" (third order for you) land in another person's second order doctrines and cause them to want to withdraw fellowship from you. 

So my mistake was that I naively thought that with the right arguments and Scriptural backing I could persuade people to shift some of their doctrines.  I tried to convince them that some of their second order doctrines (teachings they believed that would cause them to withdraw fellowship) were either wrong or at the very least that they were third order doctrines (doctrines where we can agree to disagree).  I even preached a sermon aimed at a second order doctrine that many people in the church held.  You can probably imagine that neither of these endeavors went well.  I want to make a plea to ministers to carefully research where the church you serve and her leadership stands before you try to be the maverick who sets everybody straight with your "brilliant arguments" and your "superior theology".  Yes, I am being sarcastic but I am also being real.  Many times, we ministers get a bit of a superiority complex because of our education and continued reading and studying.  Be careful with that.  

On the other side of the coin to the elders I will say that ministers are not always going to believe, preach or teach things you are comfortable with.  Their perspectives are much different than yours if for no other reason than you are different people.  When you add the fact that you are possibly from different generations, that the minister probably has some kind of theological training that you don't have, and that the minister is probably coming from somewhere outside the established church system (3), the differences sky-rocket.  I want to encourage all parties, both elders and ministers, to do what Jesus encouraged his disciples to do in John 13: 34-35.  Love one another as he loved us.  His love didn't include simply dying for us, his love included gaining our perspective and becoming human like us (Philippians 2:7).  He was also tempted in the same ways we are tempted (Hebrews 4:15).  He loved us enough to gain our perspective.  And I believe we should all love each other enough to understand our fellow Christian's point of view as well as we understand our own. We love by asking questions and comprehending not by making statements and trying to convince.

If I could do it all over again, I would do it this way and try to love like Jesus loved me. 

Stay tuned for more installments.  

Blessings, 

Josh

1.  From Matthew Dowling's chapter in the book called Why We Stayed: Honesty and Hope in the Churches of Christ, edited by Benjamin J. Williams

2.  It is actually my belief that many second order doctrines should be third order doctrines.  If you only have a verse or two to support a doctrine that causes you to withdraw from other people with the same first-order doctrines as you, maybe you should take a deeper look at what you believe and perhaps you should even talk to some people who see things differently than you.  You might learn something.

3.  A church system is formed over many years.  People who have grown up in the system adopt a certain way of viewing church and doing church that isn't written down, it's just known.  Many times an eldership has many unwritten rules about what you can change and what you can't.  When a minister who is not part of the system comes in and pushes on those unwritten rules and ways of doing things, you can imagine that it causes friction.  This is why I believe it is wise for a new minister to not tackle anything too big at the outset of his ministry tenure.  You have to learn the taboo areas and the unwritten rules. 

Photo by Tom Rogerson on Unsplash

Identity (2 Cor. 5:11-21)

Sometimes we struggle with identity,

We look high and we look low but just don’t see,

What we are bred and born to be. 

Identity is sometimes found in money and power,

But nothing is sure and this almost always goes sour. 

Sometimes we make it all about popularity,

Trying to make a name for our posterity. 

But popularity is often simply fleeting,

One wrong move can send everything reeling. 

So, what defines you and me?

Come, choose to be a disciple and see,

God knows exactly who we are supposed to be!

We are convinced that Jesus died for all people,

But we cannot just proclaim this when we’re near a steeple. 

This sacrificial love is the compelling factor,

In everything we do during this life and after.

We no longer live for ourselves,

We live aimed at God rather than trying to fill our shelves. 

We are a brand new creation,

The old way of living is now the fuel for cremation. 

We are the ambassadors of Christ,

And even though we will never give up being enticed,

We become God’s righteousness,

Through Jesus and his sacrifice.

God’s Word has much more to say,

About whom you and I should be at the end of the day. 

So when you struggle with identity,

Look to Creator, Father and God in order to see,

What we are bred and born to be.  

If you use my poem, just give credit where credit is due.  Thanks.  

Josh

To Change Or To Love

At this point, I would like to share some of the things that I have learned over the past five months by being asked to resign from a church.  If you need to be updated on the last five months, you can read my previous blog by clicking here.

So something that I have noticed is that we are often really good at finding things that we don't like about our churches.  It could be one of many things: the worship style, the preacher, a sermon, hypocrites, someone in leadership, the traditions, the rejection of traditions we like, differing theology, programs or lack thereof, etc.  You could probably add many things to the list.  The sad thing is that these things are often quoted for leaving a church, or being discontent with your church.  Sadly, I found myself discontented more often than not as a preacher.  This was not good because discontent unchecked eventually leads to dislike.

Disliking your church is a problem.  In John 13, Jesus washes his disciples feet and then lets them know that he is giving them a new command.  "Love each other as I have loved you," he says.  When you allow all the things you don't like to be the lens through which you view your church, you become a problem in your church, even when your desires are legitimate and holy.  You are not loving the church (each other) as Jesus has loved us.  In other words, we must love the church where she is regardless of the problems that you see that need to be changed.  

However, on the other side of the coin, Christianity is not about remaining the same.  Paul tells us that there is an expectation of transformation into the image of Christ (2 Cor 3:18) for those who claim to follow Jesus.  In other words, there must be a holy discontent that is present in the life of all believers.  I have noticed a significant pattern of holy discontent in my own life.  I get comfortable in my spiritual life and then suddenly I don't feel God's presence and I am forced to step further into the Spiritual life and closer to God in order to reconnect with his power.  In other words, I believe he is drawing me further in and closer to him when I become discontent with my spiritual practices.  I believe the local church often experiences a similar pattern.  When things stop working, or when a church stops growing, God is calling that church to change and draw closer to him.  

So what I have identified here is a tension.  There is a tension between loving your church the way it is and having an expectation of transformation into the image of Christ.  When we don't manage this tension well it results in frustration all around.

So how do we navigate this tension?  My answer is really simple:  Lead people to the presence of the Lord Jesus. 

If you are an official leader of your church (Minister, shepherd, elder, etc.), your job is to love your church and seek their transformation.  But I believe that you are doing it wrong if you are taking the burden of transformation onto your shoulders.  Your job is to lead the people put under your care to the presence of Jesus so that they can be transformed by him and the the power of the Spirit.  Lead people to the Lord's presence first and allow the Spirit to lay on the hearts of you and your fellow leaders what the changes are that need to be made.

I wish I could go back in time and do this differently.  Instead of leading the elders and staff in the exploration of new ideas and different issues, I wish that I would have instead led them to deeper spiritual practices first.  If you are a minister, you are going to engage with so many ideas because of your reading, conferences, and contacts that you will probably feel led to change things all the time.  However, we owe it to our leadership to not jump out ahead and try to pull them along kicking and screaming.  If you feel that God is leading you in a direction, talk to one leader that you respect.  Try to figure out if the burden you feel is being felt by this leader as well.  If he feels a similar stirring of the Spirit, meet with another leader.  Repeat the process until you either sense confirmation or rebuttal. 

A word to elders, try to embrace your minister who is calling for change.  If he is doing his job, he lives and breathes church.  You get to leave the meeting or leave the church and go to your job or to your hobbies.  He is there 5 or 6 days out of the week and experiences so much more "church" than you do.  Respect his ideas. 

Here are some suggestions for the lay person who finds themselves in a similar position, though I will caution that these are not in any linear order.  First, find a church and commit to those people warts and all.  Then explore the disciplines.  Read Richard Foster, Henry Nouwen, Martin Laird or John Ortberg (four men who have shaped my spiritual practices) and begin to practice stepping into the presence of Jesus.  Finally, invite other people, including a leader or two, to explore the disciplines with you and see what Christ does as you enter into his presence together.

What would you add to this?  How might you push back?  I would love to hear from you!

Blessings,

Josh

Photo by Ian van Torm on Unsplash

Storm Clouds

Photo by Alejandro Tocornal on Unsplash

 

Have you ever felt like this guy in the picture?  Now, you could interpret this picture a lot of different ways, but if you have ever climbed a mountain, you know that sitting on the summit is a dangerous place to be when a storm is brewing.  

 

Over 5 months ago, me and my family were sitting on the mountain and we got struck by lightning (in a figurative sense of course, otherwise I probably wouldn't be typing this right now).  The fall has been long and hard.  So now we are sitting at the bottom of the mountain trying to assess all of the damage.   

Okay, so enough of the figurative language.  Many of you know that I have been in ministry for the last 14 years.   My latest position was in North Texas.  

Back in 2016, the elders and I had some theological disagreements.  We were on different sides of two specific issues.  No, it doesn't matter what they were.  I was saddened and disappointed by the fact that we were in such different places.  It actually sent me into a bit of a crisis.  So I started 2017 by fasting and seeking God on Fridays (yes, Fasting on Friday has a ring to it, or maybe I'm just a nerd).  I did it for the first 3 months of that year.  After that time, it seemed that God was leading me to be content in my system.  I wanted to do this for many reasons.  First, it is a good church.  Lots of great people are there.  Second, we had great friendships and relationships.  Third, the staff was really good to work with.  And finally, financially speaking, this church takes great care of its ministers. 

Unfortunately, I had a hard time being content.  In fact, I wasn't content.  I suppose part of my nature is to push the bar.  My motivation was that I was seeking to lead a church to reach lost people and I saw lots of reasons why we weren't doing that.  So I started pushing and messing with things to try and align us as a church to become more focused on those who do not know Jesus.  

What I realize now is that I pushed too hard.  I brought too many new ideas, and challenged too many old ideas in a short amount of time.  Richard Rohr in his book, Falling Upward, points out that on a good day, a person is only willing to question about 5% of what they know.  I don't know how scientific that is, but my experience tells me that this is probably very close to the truth.  The problem was that I was asking people in our church and our elders to question a lot more than that.  

As a result, there was a steady stream of people who were coming to the elders complaining about my teaching and preaching.  Unfortunately, because the elders were trying to protect me, they didn't tell me about these complaints.  Just FYI, if you are an elder, you aren't protecting your minister by not telling him about complaints when they actually mean something to you.  In other words, if you agree with the criticism or you think it is well-founded, you do your minister a disservice by not telling him about it.  

It all came to a head in January of 2018.  I preached a sermon that was pushing against some long-held beliefs by people in churches of Christ.  Then all the criticisms came pouring in.  People came to me about that sermon.  The elders also approached me about that sermon and a few other criticisms.  And 6 weeks after that sermon, I was asked to resign.  To their credit, the elders took good care of me.  They gave me a great, five-month severance package.  But a severance package does almost nothing for your shattered confidence, your friends that are taken from you, your kids school and friends they have to leave, your wife's special Bible study group that she has to leave, and the emotional and Spiritual turmoil that sets in immediately.  

 

You see, ministry is not like other jobs.  You have to leave everything when you get forced to resign or get fired.  At the time when you need your friends and spiritual family the most, you have to leave them.  It is terrible.  This must be a last resort in our churches friends and it shouldn't be done without telling your minister the problem and then giving them the opportunity to try and come up with some solutions together. 

I tried to interview with churches, but my heart wasn't in it.  I have been turned down several times.  Two good job offers came up, but they both required a leap of faith.  As a family, we were not ready for a leap of faith.  We were broken.  So we turned them down.  

So here I am, over 5 months later sitting here jobless and floundering, living with family.  I'm not pointing fingers.  There's a lot of blame to go around, including my own.  But over the coming weeks, I am going to try and write several blog posts in which I will try to illuminate what I have learned through this experience.  I hope that it will be helpful to people in ministry and people wondering if God is calling them to a life of ministry.  I also hope that it will be helpful for those going through a bad church experience right now.  Finally, if you are an elder/board member in a church, I hope that you will consider this as you interact with your ministers.  So join me, as I wrestle with what the next step is going to look like for me and my family.  

Blessings,

Josh

Mother's Day

Oh to know the words to say,

On an occasion like Mother’s Day.  

For our broken world this day can be a mixed bag,

For some it is a joy, for others a lonely drag.  

There are those mothers who were consistently there,

When circumstances were dire and we needed to share.  

Some among us can call their mom’s and be truthful,

When they tell her how there are forever thankful,

For the legacy that started with her!  

While some don’t even know their mother’s name,

Or maybe wish she had not been such a shame.  

For others, they look around at other women’s posterity,

They see the gifts and all the notoriety.  

But when they turn their eyes to their own nest,

Alas it is empty, or filled with acquaintances at best.  

They had hoped for children and a family,

But instead they had received some kind of relational calamity.

And finally there are those who hear their mother’s voice,

Feel her soft kiss and her warm embrace.  

But unfortunately things are not as they seem,

Eyes flutter open--realization crashes in--it was only a dream.  

For her hands, her feet, and her voice will never again be heard or felt on this earth,

For better or for worse she is gone, the one who gave you birth.  

So what are the perfect words to say,

On a day such as Mother’s Day?  

I can’t say that I have it all worked out,

But I will give it my best shot.  

Celebrate the precious value,

Of those women who invested in you!

There were women who brought us good instead of harm,

There were women who elicited love and not alarm.  

The teachers, the mentors, perhaps the ladies at church,

They’ve all been instrumental in your never ending search,

For meaning, life, and fulfillment!  

She was there to lend a hand,

She was there to help you take a stand!

And if she is your mother never miss the opportunity to hug her neck!

For all things in this life are fleeting,

And in the grand scheme, all things pass like a vapor or speck.  

And if you don’t have a mother figure in your immediate vicinity,

Know that God who for you has a perfect affinity,

Will make sure you are intentionally nurtured,

For by his sacrificial love you are inexplicably furthered!  

So keep your eyes open wide,

For he may reveal when it is time to turn aside.  

A childless mother may be led to you!

And if by some cruel working of fate,

You do not have the family that you imagined to date,

Turn your eyes to the motherless around you,

Or perhaps you can be an aid to those who are overwhelmed too.  

There is always a need for some mothering out there,

In this brokenness, that love will be without compare.  

And finally, for those who only feel loss today,

There is no easy way out of the storms and the gray.  

The sunshine is extremely difficult to see,

And the lack of clear sky means even a rainbow is not to be.  

But perhaps a storm outside is an opportunity to look in,

To be thankful that there is loss to feel when there could have been none.  

Praise God for the good and perfect gift that she was,

Who works in everything and uses evil for good from above!  

So what is the perfect thing to say,

On a day like Mother’s Day?  

Let’s thank God that he invented mothers,

For without them, this world would be a rather dull place.  

No hugs, no kisses, no cuddles…

There would have been no one to balance the men around us.

Patience would be lacking and love would be in short supply.  

Even the losses and pain and hurt that come to mind for many in this place,

Cannot overcome the overwhelming sacrificial love that numberless mothers bring to their space.  

So whatever the difficulty or seemingly insurmountable mess,

Know that God does not seek you harm but instead to bless. 

And when your life is broken and seems less than stable,

We have a fixer-upper God who is more than able! 

Philippians 4:19 - And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.  

Happy Mother’s Day!